Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
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I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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