first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize