They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
