I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize