I faked an abortion last night.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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