i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize