Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
