Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
