is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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