I have demons in me.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
