We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
