once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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