He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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