i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
