marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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