nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
