The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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