"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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