He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
