dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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