My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
