I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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