Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
