Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
