Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
should my penis look like a turkey
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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