I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
