Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
