So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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