i barfeds in our rink
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
