Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis