I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
