I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?