please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?