i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.