I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.