i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
