dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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