i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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