can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
