A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
