Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
