I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
