Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
