I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
