so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
