Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
