I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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