I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
this is an emotional support booty call
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
