She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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