Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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