Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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