Sponge bath it is.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
