just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
