All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
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I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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