dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
