I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
