Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I accidentally burped into my bong.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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