im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
