HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
