Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
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you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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