Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i love accidental penises.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
