I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
