So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
