My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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