Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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