I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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