There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
