Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
