I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
