finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
