Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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