Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
