Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is it because I queefed?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
