I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
