i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
