I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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