You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
