My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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